The theme of grief is so prominent in this novel it could almost be seen as a character itself. Lily holds the grief of her mother leaving her, of causing her mother’s death, and of being rejected by T. Ray. She spends most of her young life longing to be loved: “Children did not have two parents who refused to love them. One, maybe, but for pity’s sake not two” (41). To cope with her grief, Lily creates a narrative in which her mother is perfect and loving, and while her mother may have been loving, it was Deborah’s own grief, sadness, and depression that rendered her unable to care for Lily in the way Lily always wanted.

T. Ray is cruel to Lily because he cannot see her outside of the grief he has experienced with her mother. Because T. Ray cannot feel his grief or give voice to it, he is also unable to let it go. Lily does not recognize this until the end of the novel, but when she does, it is a powerful reminder of what can happen to a person when they stuff all their grief away.