The second part of NVC, after expressing honesty (as was covered in previous chapters), is receiving empathetically. In order to apply true empathy, we need to shed preconceived ideas or judgments about others as we listen and avoid the temptation to give advice, issue reassurance, or “one-up” the other person with our own struggles; we also should avoid educating, shutting-down, interrogating, or correcting the speaker. In professional settings, seeking intellectual understanding or clarification can block empathy, because the listener is no longer fully present for the speaker’s feelings.

Listening for Feelings and Needs

Although it can be challenging, NVC requires us to listen for others’ observations, feelings, needs, and life-enriching requests. It can be especially difficult to avoid falling into the trap of blaming ourselves or blaming others, as we are socialized to feel that we are responsible for the needs of others.

Paraphrasing

Rosenberg shares that paraphrasing back what we have heard can be a powerful tool to ensure that we have understood what we are being told. Paraphrasing for clarification is most effective when we express our own emotional state in conjunction and when we are specific about what we need to know.

Paraphrasing has proved to save time in negotiations, as people are able to understand each other more efficiently.