Kendall recalls that the important men in her early life all held patriarchal views of women, and she continues to experience some internal conflict about how to respond when loved ones like her father espouse patriarchal or even misogynistic beliefs. Within families and relationships in marginalized communities, men facing down oppression outside of the home and communities may demand deference as a salve for the disrespect they encounter elsewhere and use hypermasculinity as a defense against life-threatening challenges in the street.

As a result of this context, Black feminists may respond differently to patriarchy and toxic masculinity they encounter inside and outside of their communities. Kendall argues, for example, that Black women are accustomed to being in charge because mass incarceration and the war on drugs have taken large swathes of Black men out of families and communities and made it difficult for Black men to occupy that patriarchal role as provider after release. For Black women committed to partnering with Black men perceived as eligible (employed and not incarcerated), responding to this reality may mean endorsing patriarchal norms to be the chosen ones in a “‘pick me’ culture” that has a thriving life on social media (74).