Content Warning: This section features discussions of sexual violence and harassment, rape, ableism, mental illness, death by suicide, suicidal ideation and self-harm, animal cruelty and death, substance use, addiction, graphic violence, sexual content, cursing, illness and death, physical abuse, and emotional abuse.

“Effortless. That’s the word to be used for him. His whole demeanor drips with utter ease. It’s too cool…too blank, so that he appears a bit bored, even. A bit…absent, despite being right here in the flesh.”

Glyndon’s initial description of Killian as he holds her life in his hands reveals one of the things that shocks her the most: how cold and “effortless” his behavior seems. This impression establishes many of the feelings about him that she tries to reconsider throughout the novel.

“But she doesn’t need to know about this. It’s not that I’m covering up for him. I’m not. I won’t make any excuses for him. I won’t consider it anything less than what it is. However, it’ll remain buried between me and myself. Just like everything about Devlin. Is justice that important? Not when I have to sacrifice my peace of mind for it. I’ve already dealt with a lot of things on my own. What’s another thing to add to the list?”

Glyndon thinks this after Killian assaults her and she contemplates reporting him to the police. As in many other instances, Glyndon must weigh her own desires and peace of mind against what she logically knows is right and just. In addition, this quote emphasizes just how much she hides from her family yet how their opinions still impact her self-worth.

“I learned early on that I don’t fit in the normalized, stagnant, preached society. I was born to reign over it. No questions asked. Control isn’t only a need or a fleeting desire. It’s a necessity that’s as pressing as breathing air. Deep inside me lurks a serial killer with fucked-up fetishes and constant demands to satiate its desires. Sometimes, the urge is dull enough to ignore, but other times, it gets to be so much that red becomes the only color I see.”

These first thoughts directly from Killian’s point of view reveal his inner life from childhood. His thoughts confirm many of Glyndon’s beliefs about him and paint him as arrogant and superior. In addition, they show how much Killian’s urges rule him and how he thinks he can keep them at bay.