Content Warning: This section of the guide contains references to domestic violence, child sexual assault and psychological abuse, child neglect, suicide, alcohol use, anti-Black racism, and bigoted language.

Ellen describes how she used to think of ways to kill her father. Her favorite idea was putting a poisonous spider in his bed. However, in the end, his death wasn’t her doing, as her father drank himself to death the year after the County moved her out.

Ellen describes her new situation, living in a clean brick house with plenty to eat, and reflects, “I figure I made out pretty good considering the rest of my family is either dead or crazy” (2). A counselor speaks to her once a week at school and has her identify shapes. When Ellen looks at the shapes, she says she sees “big holes a body could fall into” (2); the counselor said she was scared. Ellen insists she might get nervous, but she is never scared.

Ellen’s mother was sick with “romantic fever” when she was young. She had a weak heart and was often in the hospital. Ellen describes when her mother comes home from the hospitals and her father immediately begins ordering her to fetch him things and fix him meals.