Published in 2012, Bringing Up Bébé (and its bullet-point counterpart Bébé Day by Day) is a nonfiction, sociological exploration of the differences between French and American styles of parenting, and what makes French parenting so successful. 

Pamela Druckerman is an American journalist and writer who moved to Paris and discovered a drastically different approach to raising children that caused her to reframe Parenting as a Social Construct. Navigating Motherhood in a New Place proved its own unique challenge, but from talking to French parents, Pamela learned several keys to Raising a Healthy, Happy, Resilient Child. Her journey also led her to find out more about the power of Language and Why It Matters. She then applied this approach to her children and found it to be successful, which led her to decide to write about what she learned. 

Bringing Up Bébé was a New York Times Bestseller and experienced international acclaim, particularly in the UK and Germany. 

This guide utilizes the 2014 Penguin Books edition of the book.

Summary

Pamela moved to Paris with her now-husband, Simon, who is British but loves living in other countries. There, they had three children: daughter Bean, and twin sons Leo and Joey. It soon became apparent to Pamela that the French parenting style tends to produce confident and independent, yet calm and polite children. She wondered what specific techniques were leading to this result, and whether it would be worth implementing in her own life and sharing with others back in the US. 

Pamela felt out of place in Paris at first but eventually became established and made connections. When she was pregnant with Bean, she joined a pregnancy group, finding out that epidurals are widely accepted in France, and that French parents do not see pregnancy and childbirth as a sacrifice or something to labor through, but rather an experience to enjoy.

Once Bean was born, Pamela learned the frustration of waking up every couple of hours to tend to a crying baby. French parents usually have their children sleeping through the night by four months old. They use a technique called “the pause,” waiting for a crying baby to fall back asleep on its own unless the crying lasts longer than a few minutes. After several weeks of this routine, babies learn to connect their sleep cycles and stay asleep through the night. The underlying idea is the belief that infants are capable of managing themselves to a degree. Unfortunately, Pamela and Simon waited too long to use this method; the recommendation was to let Bean cry it out instead, which only took a few days. 

In terms of feeding, French parents follow the baby’s rhythms for the first few months and then shift to the standard three meals and one snack a day that French people eat. Breastfeeding is common but not expected, nor is the use of formula shamed. Involving children in cooking or baking, as well as only eating sweets at snack time or on the weekend, are considered beneficial habits that strengthen a child’s character. As Bean grew, Pamela learned to encourage her to eat a wider variety of foods by introducing them time and time again and by making meals a time of exploration and discovery.

When it comes to development, French parents tend not to rush their children through milestones, instead letting them explore and discover the world in their own time and in their own way. Pamela sent Bean to the French daycare called the crèche—a typical way for French children to spend the day. The assumption is that childcare should not be all-consuming: Parents deserve time to unwind, pursue interests, and connect with friends and family, and should try to do so without feeling guilty. French parenting is heavily influenced by the philosophies of 18th-century philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau and 20th-century pediatrician Françoise Dolto; Rousseau believed in strict boundaries for children, and Dolto saw children as rational beings deserving of honesty and respect.

When Bean was three, she started saying “caca boudin,” which means “poop sausage.” The experience taught Pamela that some freedom in language is important for children, but limits can be placed around that freedom. In France, manners are important: French children are taught to say “bonjour” and “au revoir” to people they see, to feel included in adult society and to learn that other people have feelings. Pamela learned to exercise her authority as a parent in a way that is respectful but effective, relying on techniques like facial expressions, explaining rules, and saying “no” confidently. French parents believe firmly in children’s independence and autonomy, which they achieve by giving their children freedom, responsibilities, and the power to make reasonable decisions.

After Pamela had twin boys, caring for three young children put a massive strain on her relationship with Simon. According to French parents, what was missing was her feminine mystique—her sexuality—which put a damper on Pamela and Simon’s private time together. 

The book ends with a bullet point outline of Pamela’s findings, a summary that lists 100 key points about French parenting. In the closing pages are several recipes used at the crèche, as well as a weekly menu.